it occurs to me

i was reading my sister Maria's curriculum vitae online tonight.

i have always maintained that there is a real disconnect between me and the rest of my family. not that we don't love each other or talk to each other but still i feel so different from the rest of them.

and this gets proven again when i look at all my sister's accomplishments and i realize that i know nothing about what she has done with her career.

she is a college professor and as i have stated before she has just published her first scholarly work but i still don't understand what she specializes in or what her interests are in her studies.

maybe i am afraid that given my normal tendency to disagree on alot of things with her and and my brother-in-law i won't be able to seperate them from their beliefs and i want to just view them as my sister and brother-in-law, no controversy, no arguments and i can have my familial bond in a state of complete blissful ignorance of the topics that she has devoted her life to researching and pursuing with her considerable intelligence.

at this point people always wonder if i am upset that she converted to Islam and to that degree i have to say no.

Islam is something that is thought of as quite divisive in today's political climate. i like to think that my lack of any real interest in following any given religion gives me some sort of view where i can not buy into all the generalizations that i am presented with in the media and just see her as my sister. she is not crazy as is also assumed when i mention her religious beliefs. i respect her deeply for choosing what she wants to believe in even if i don't fully understand it.

the heart of the matter is that Maria is and will always be an amazing person. she is smart and compassionate and never judges anyone in our family or treats them any differently then the way she treated them years ago before the conversion. and as i read her curriculum vitae i am amazed at what she has accomplished and what she has risked in the pursuit of her beliefs and what she wants to learn and say on them.

i hope in ten years when i am her age i can look back on my own career and be able to say i followed my heart and my brain in the right direction and that it will have provided me with a better life for myself the current state of adjustment i currently am residing in.